10 Steps to Use Workplace Conflict to Your Advantage.

Is there such a thing as a good fight? The willingness to

embrace conflict and turn a bad fight into a good one is a

hallmark of a great leader. And if you want to learn, there are

steps you can take to help turn negative conflicts into creative

opportunities. 

1) Don't Despair, Prepare! 

First, and most importantly, know that sometimes it's best to

walk away from conflict. Know your `exit point' -– the point at

which it makes more sense to walk away from a conflict than it

does to work to manage the issue. There are times that it will

be your best option. 

Everyone has their own style of dealing with conflict.

Understand the different styles, identify yours and the styles

of your team. Learn to appreciate the diverse styles of others,

assume leadership when conflicts arise, and value the creative

spark that conflicts can kindle. 

2) Follow the Yellow Brick Road 

What is your goal? If you can agree on a common goal – to

creatively solve a problem, to generate a new idea or to sell

more product -– you'll have a better chance of harnessing the

conflict. Sometimes the root of a conflict is that you don't

even agree on what the problem is -– or that you're struggling

to address different issues. 

3) Reveal, Don't Conceal 

You must agree -– at least some extent -– to be vulnerable, to

reveal why you want something, and to declare what's really

important to you about an issue. When we're in conflict, we

always have a story – usually one that justifies our proposed

solution. Listen and try to understand the other person's story.

If the other person won't reveal their needs or interests, ask

open-ended questions and look for clues. 

4) Tackle the Problem , Not the Person 

Focus on the problem and persuade the other person to join you

in solving the problem. Make the problem your common enemy

rather than blaming the other person for causing the problem.

Try and discourage conflicts from becoming personal. 

5) Play Within Bounds 

Sometimes conflicts are caused by process problems rather than

substantive issues. If the other person remains difficult, start

talking more about standards and procedures than about the

problem. This can help you creatively manage a conflict that

seems like an unmovable object. 

6) Stir Up a Storm 

Brainstorm -- welcoming all suggestions -- then sort through

them all and determine which ones merit further study. Many of

us fall in love with our solutions and decide that our idea is

the only possibility. The best resolution for all concerned may

not be the one we had previously discussed. 

7) Take a Time Out 

Classic advocates of creative conflict management have used

this move throughout history. Martin Luther King Jr. suggested

we "go to the mountain" during conflict to gain the higher

ground and a better perspective on the problem. Gandhi retreated

to meditation and fasting during the most intense periods of his

struggle to free the Indian people. When things get heated or

stalled consider taking a time out to regroup. 

8) Talk Until You Drop 

People don't allow enough time for creative conflict

management. In our modern, instantaneous world we have lost our

patience. If you have decided the conflict is worth your time

and energy, make sure you allow sufficient time for management.

It usually takes longer than we think to produce good fights

instead of bad ones. 

9) Circle the Wagons 

When you reach an agreement or a creative solution, you need to

go through some sort of closure process. Arrange a time in the

future to review how the solution is working. Agree upon an

action plan to accomplish the goals of an agreement and decide

who does what, when and where. 

10) Write to Avoid New Fights 

Write down what you think you've agreed upon at various

stages. The process helps clarify your own thinking as well as

the agreement. We all tend to assume the meaning we ascribe to a

certain word or discussion is the same for everyone. This one

act will save you a world of hurt down the road. 

These ten steps can provide a roadmap to lead you skillfully

through using conflict to generate creativity. While you may not

need to use all ten for every situation, it's good to review

them before you try to resolve an issue. Then, you'll be able to

see where you're stuck and what you need to do to move forward.

For complex disputes, you may very well need to work your way

through all the steps with all the parties.

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